Archive for the ‘Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy’ Category


June 28, 2006

Quote of the Day – Mohandas Gandhi – “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”


Wear Sunscreen.

May 19, 2006

If I could offer you only one tip for the Future – Sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own miandering experience.

I will dispence this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh nevermind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility really lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind. The kind that blindside you at 4PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.


Don't be wreckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are wreckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you are ahead. Sometimes you're behind. The race is long. And in the end, it is only with yourself.

Remember compliments you recieve. Forget the Insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40. Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do – don't congratulate yourself too much. Or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it. Or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrament you will ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions. Even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They are your best link to your past, and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go. But for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to brdge the gaps in geography and lifestyle. Because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise, politicians will philader, you too will get old. And when you do, you will fatasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair. Or by the time you're 40, it will look like 85.

Be careful who's advice you buy. But, be patietent with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of the fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the Sunscreen.

(((In case you don't know it, it's a song) 


May 8, 2006

You're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to lose a minute.
– Jerome David Salinger


May 5, 2006

Never let the odds keep you from pursuing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.
Leroy "Satchel" Paige, 1906 – 1982

I dislike waking up angry

March 15, 2006

TB_roulette.jpgI had an odd dream last night. I was at a beach, which had cabanas on the beach, but it was like a Jersey Shore Beach.  There was all this activity going on (some weird competitions with jumping rope and stuff), and I was there was with my ex (the only one I dislike).  I fell asleep in one of the cabanas and when I woke up, everyone was gone like it was the end of the day and he left me there. So I’m annoyed. Then farther down the beach, there were all these rooms, that were like hotel rooms, but just walls, and on the beach, and open to everything (we could walk into other’s rooms).  There were tons of them, and all attached, and there’s no doors.

So here I am randomly walking through all these rooms, and taking stuff, cause these people are all checked out for the most part.  I disguise that I’m going through and trying to steal stuff of value by telling people that my book I just bought to read to kids when I volunteer was stolen, and I’m trying to find myself another one.  This is weird, because I did just buy a book yesterday to read to kids that I volunteer with!  I find about 20 in casino dollar coins that were from Circus Circus and stash them into my pocket.

As I’m going through these rooms, I run into my friend from work, Michael, doing the same thing.  He and I start raiding simple things like the box of chocolates that’s left by the maids.  From there we run into Theresa from work, and she wants to go to the casino.

So, next thing I know, we’re at a casino, and we’re all broke. I have the casino dollars weighing down my pockets of my hoodie – so I’m off and searching for the roulette table, since it’s one of the few games I understand.  I can’t find one, so I finally ask if Roulette is not allowed in California (apparently – that’s where I am?), and people shush me as if saying the word roulette will get me killed.

I walk up to my friend Theresa, and she’s at this game, that looks like it should be the bar in the room. I have no idea how to play, and I watch her drop down her last $10 and say “Number 11 on the left.”  I have no idea what this means.  The guys then look up to a TV monitor, and all these numbers pop up on different games which look  like the lottery numbers on the TV.  11 is in each list of numbers.  Theresa is jumping up and down and screaming.  The guy at the game tells me “Your friend just won 5 grand” and all I can think of is what bills I can pay off with that money.  Theresa is jumping around, and away from me, I’m sitting at the bar looking distraught – for some reason just seriously pissed off at Theresa when I should be happy for her.

This is when the bartender looks at me and says “Sometimes life just sucks.”

This is when I woke up.  Angry, and for no reason thinking that life just sucks.   And you KNOW this means something other than the obvious.

Passed over…What does this mean?

March 6, 2006

Today I found out that I was passed over for a promotion. I’m mad. Earlier I thought I was mad at work, at the company, at my manager, at my boss. I’ve been holed up in my apartment thinking about it all damn day long. I didn’t even go to my hockey game because of it!

I have just realized that I’m not mad at my boss, I’m mad at myself.

I did a lot of things wrong this past year. I really did. I don’t deserve that promotion, the person that got it really does.

I think I just knocked myself off of my high horse. I could get as mad as I want, but the only person that I have to get mad at is myself. I did this. I now need to fix it. It’s just like the weight I’m trying to lose. I did it to myself, now I need to fix it! I really need to push and show my stuff, and show how much better I am now than I was.

I need to work my ass off. Before I thought it was good that I left work and quickly didn’t think about work, but that’s the wrong way to be right now. Maybe I can do that after I get to where I want to be, but right now I need to work my ass off. More on this once I get this Italian stuff out of my head!

Lacking Motivation…

March 4, 2006

Motivation. I need to have some. I used to think of myself of a very motivated person. Mostly I feel motivated to prove something – I graduted with an engineering degree because I wanted to prove I was smart (do I want to be an engineer – not so much). I joined the Army to prove my patriotism (I joined to serve my country). I like to prove things – that’s why I’m so boisterous. I’m trying to get away from this need to prove – I’m trying to quiet myself down a bit. Anyway – proving myself is something that I will leave for another day. Today’s thought is motivation.

I get daily quotes. From Oprah I get ones about her magazine (luckily – this month is a type of motivation one – last month was love…blech). From Thrive I get the ‘make something of yourself’ quotes. From Ender I get random quotes that from time to time are relevant to my life. Lastly – I also get ones on becoming a better person. I don’t know why I’m so enamored with quotes. I think it’s because I’m such a horrible writer myself, that it makes me think of things, and I can feel as though the thoughts are my own. I have quotes posted on post-its all over my computer, as well as on virtual post-its on my screen. I like to read things that make me feel motivated. Some days I think I NEED those things just to motivate me to get my ass up and do thing. I get very mad at myself on those days.

Anyway- I needed motivation to work out and lose some weight (15-20 lbs down – 20 more or so to go), so I chose becoming a trainer again. I have the know how, I just need the motivation. This has been working well since my 30th birthday (October – I lost the first 20 or so since then). But a couple days ago, I felt that motivation flailing. I think it’s because I can’t afford the classes and stuff for becoming a trainer. Doesn’t that suck? I need to re-plan that. Maybe that’s what I’ll do with this blog. Plan my life. I need a planning tool.

I tend to ramble and get off the subject – have we noticed that? I guess I’m trying to brainstorm as to what to use this blog for, and ideas to write about. I need to write things down the moment I think of them, or I will forget about them and never write it. Oddly enough, when I have time to write, I can’t think of a damn thing.

Back to motivation. One of the things I want to do is find out what motivates me and use that though. I need to really look into it so days like the past couple days where I lack motivation I can do something about it. Funny, I can lack motivation, want to do something about it, but why I can’t I just make myself motivated at those times? Examples of that – when I’m in a bad mood, and I don’t want to be in a bad mood. I have no real reason to be in a bad mood – why can’t I just not be in a bad mood? I want to look into my motivation and then surround myself with the things that motivate me to do stuff. I want to do more. I want to make a difference.

One of the things I do rather love, and feel a little more motivated every time I read it is my 43 things page. I like to know I have a list of stuff I want to do with my life. I keep trying to pick a thing to work on from this page.

Right now I need to motivate myself to put some clothes on and go to work. Turns out I’d rather sit on a computer and write about motivation than just exercise some.